


call my bluff, call you babe

by scullymuldrs



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: David Rose is a secret softie, Fluff, Halloween, M/M, Patrick Brewer is a Troll, i love that being a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27001498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scullymuldrs/pseuds/scullymuldrs
Summary: he trusted patrick, obviously, but he should have expected his husband to be a menace about it first
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd/Twyla Sands if you squint
Comments: 12
Kudos: 88





	call my bluff, call you babe

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends! everyone on twitter has been talking about halloween and costumes and this idea popped into my head. i owe thanks to bahíyyih and mars for costume suggestions for twyla, stevie, and alexis, alyssa and pat for proof reading and encouraging me, and everyone else on twitter who helped answer my random questions. i hope you enjoy!
> 
> title is from it's nice to have a friend by taylor swift, because of course it is

It’s rare that David and Patrick are ever separate, but today is one of the days where David is working at the store by himself. Patrick left in the morning to do vendor pick ups in Elmdale and to stop to grab a few things while he was out there. It’s a little ridiculous David thinks that he misses his husband right now when they’ve only been separated for barely a few hours. But everything is just better when Patrick is around.

David’s phone buzzes on the counter and since it’s the midmorning lull in the store, he unlocks it to check it.

**Patrick Rose-Brewer 11:13am**

[IMAGE]

He taps the photo to open it and immediately cringes. Patrick has sent him [ a photo](https://beontrack.me/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/cookies-and-milk-costume-funny-halloween-costume-for-couple.jpg) of a Halloween costume, a generic couple dressed in a milk and cookies costume, one in a red and white milk carton with hearts on it and the other as a chocolate chip cookie, with the pieces of chocolate as hearts.

**David Rose-Brewer 11:14am**

absolutely not

**Patrick Rose-Brewer 11:14am**

[IMAGE]

what about this one?

David sighs and reluctantly opens the image, well aware that his husband is trolling him, but humours him anyways. [ The second costume](https://s1.r29static.com/bin/entry/27b/720x600,85/1866512/image.webp) is just as bad as the first one, this one is peanut butter and jam sandwich costume, with the couple wearing one slice of the bread.

**David Rose-Brewer 11:15am**

have we met?

**Patrick Rose-Brewer 11:15am**

wait i think you’re really going to like this one

[IMAGE]

[ The next costume](https://images.halloweencostumes.com/media/13/funny-adult/wine-and-cheese-costumes.jpg) David does not like any better than the first ones. This one is a wine and cheese costume and while David loves the food, dressing up as it is decidedly incorrect.

**David Rose-Brewer 11:16am**

why are these all food themed

**Patrick Rose-Brewer 11:16am**

i thought you’d enjoy them the most

you did say you’d do it

David groans and hits the call button underneath Patrick’s name.

“Hi,” Patrick grins and David can practically hear the grin in his husband’s voice.

“Why are you doing this?” David demands and Patrick laughs, “I should have never agreed to let you choose a costume for us. Couples' costumes are never good.”

Somehow David and Patrick had managed to organize a Halloween party at the cottage, with Twyla, Alexis, and Stevie all promising to be in attendance. Patrick had begged David to let him find them Halloween costumes for the party, since it would be their first Halloween as husbands, promising all sorts of thank yous for David’s cooperation. Reluctantly David had agreed, as long as he still had veto power and Patrick told him beforehand. He trusted Patrick, obviously, but he should have expected his husband to be a menace about it first.

“Trust me David, you’re going to love it. Oh, what about [ toothbrush and toothpaste](https://www.dailydot.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/funny-costume-ideas-for-couples-toothpaste-317x400.png)?”

“I thought you already had an idea, why are you looking at the store?” David asks, ignoring the suggestion.

“I do, I just thought it’d be fun to see what’s out there. We could be [ puzzle pieces](https://images.halloweencostumes.com/media/13/funny-adult/puzzle-pieces-costumes.jpg),” Patrick suggests, “They’re chartreuse and orange, your favourites.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t,” Patrick says gleefully.

David sighs, “Can you just tell me what the costume is?”

“Nope, you can see it when I bring it home.”

David arches an eyebrow, even though Patrick can’t see him, “You’re awfully confident, are you sure you want to buy it without my approval?”

“Yup, you’re going to love it,” Patrick says confidently, “I better let you get back to work. I’ll be there soon.”

“Fine, I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

David is about to put his phone down when it buzzes again.

**Patrick Rose-Brewer 11:23am**

one last one

[IMAGE]

[ The last costume ](https://s7.orientaltrading.com/is/image/OrientalTrading/FXBanner_808/adult-s-avocado-couples-costume~13939743.jpg) is a horrifying avocado costume.

**David Rose-Brewer 11:23am**

[middle finger emoji]

**Patrick Rose-Brewer 11:24am**

[kissing face emoji]

-

Patrick makes it back to help David in the afternoon, but doesn’t mention anything about the costume he’s picked out. If he notices David eyeing him all day, he doesn’t give any indication of it. They lock up as normal and Patrick cooks them dinner when they get home, which makes David even more antsy, but he refuses to bring up the topic. He expects Patrick to mention it after dinner, but instead he asks David if he wants to watch a movie.

David agrees, expecting Patrick to choose some Halloween film as they’ve been doing throughout the month. They’ve made it through all the Halloweentown movies, Beetlejuice (Delia Deetz does not look like his mother, thank you so very much Patrick), Hocus Pocus, a few horror films with Stevie, and Practical Magic three times. But instead, Patrick chooses Notting Hill, which David just turns to stare at him, eyes narrowing. Is the costume so bad that Patrick wants to soften him up with his one of his favourite romcoms? Patrick doesn’t hate them, but they’re never his choice when it’s his turn to choose the movie. And especially Notting Hill, which they have seen more times than David can count.

“Relax David,” Patrick says as he pulls him against him on the couch, rearranging them to lie comfortably together with a blanket thrown across both of them, “Enjoy the movie,” He says kiss a kiss to his hair.

David does enjoy the movie, because how could he not enjoy watching Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant fall in love. It’s a surprisingly relaxing evening, curled up against his husband who spends the movie playing with his hair and stealing popcorn from the bowl in David’s lap. By the end of the movie, David’s forgotten about the whole Halloween costume problem when Patrick presses pause on the scene of Julia Roberts lying on a bench, her head in Hugh Grant’s lap while he reads, their hands intertwined. David lets out a noise of protest and feels Patrick’s responding chuckle against his back.

“So,” Patrick says, mindlessly rubbing David’s arm, “I know you don’t love the idea of a couples Halloween costume. And after seeing the options at the store I think maybe you’re right, most of them are slightly horrifying. But, I was thinking we could go as them?”

It takes David a minute to process what Patrick’s saying, “Wait really?” He says, sitting up and turning around to face his husband.

Patrick nods, looking almost shy now, “Yeah, I assumed you’d want to be Julia Roberts? So I got you a pink outfit for it, I know that’s not your usual colour palette I thought she might be an exception. And since my hair is longer now, I thought I could pull off being Hugh Grant?”

“Oh my god,” David says and then he’s moving forward, cupping Patrick’s face with his hands and kissing him deeply. He can feel Patrick smiling against his face before he responds the same, “I love you so much,” David says when they break apart.

Patrick grins at him, the way he only does for David, “So, I did well then? Not all couples costumes are incorrect?”

David rolls his eyes, “I guess on occasion a rare couples costume can be acceptable when it’s one paying tribute to Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant.”

Patrick smirks and nudges David off of him, “C’mon, I know you want to see it. I left it upstairs.”

-

Their costume is a hit with David and the vest of their friends. Stevie goes simple, surprising no one when she shows up wearing jeans, a red plaid shirt, and devil horns. Twyla shows up as a ghost, with a flowing white dress and pale makeup on her face. Alexis goes full out, dressing as Penny Lane from Almost Famous, somehow getting her hands on the actual jacket from the movie. Before the party, Alexis insists on doing photos of everyone. She tries to take a few photos of Stevie alone, which is a disaster until Twyla joins in and she gets some cute photos of them together, mostly of Stevie making eyes at Twyla. David's going to have to ask her about _that_ at some point, but not tonight.

For David and Patrick, Alexis uses the bench in their backyard to recreate the movie scene. She keeps nitpicking the way they’re posed and David’s about to snap at her when Patrick softly says his name and pushes David down to lie on his lap. He laces their fingers together smiling at him. Alexis manages to get [ a picture ](https://imagesvc.meredithcorp.io/v3/mm/image?q=85&c=sc&poi=face&w=2000&h=1333&url=https%3A%2F%2Fstatic.onecms.io%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2Fsites%2F6%2F2020%2F03%2F20%2FNottingHill_027.jpg) of them that David reluctantly admits is perfect and Instagram worthy.

“So since we dressed as characters from a movie you like this year, does that mean we can do a movie I like next year?” Patrick asks as he follows David into the kitchen to grab another glass of wine.

“No no no,” David shakes his head, “I never agreed to anything like that.”

“It’s only fair David,” Stevie interjects, which earns her a glare.

“I let you have one couples costume this year, we are not doing another,” he informs Patrick, who just chuckles.

The doorbell rings, interrupting them so Patrick kisses David on the cheek before leaving to hand out candy to the children at the door.

“Don’t worry David,” he calls out as he leaves, “You’re going to love next year's look.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! i'm @schwifts on twitter if you ever wanna chat


End file.
